Kinky Soho News

This Week's News

NAKED TUBE EMBARRASSMENT: A man forgot to put his clothes on before leaving for work last Tuesday, completely unaware of his mistake throughout his fifteen minute talk to Acton Town tube station. "It was a crowded train and I was standing right by the door - I only realised my lack of clothes when they closed, and I experienced a huge amount of pain in my groin." The doors on a tube train are usually only sensitive to a blockage of about the size and hardness of, say, a leg or arm. If the doors detect an obstruction of this size, they will open again. "Fortunately I was thinking about this nice girl who started work on Monday, otherwise it would have been trapped between the doors until the next station."

Passengers on the train, alarmed at the sight of a naked man with a huge erection obstructing the doors, hastily made the man a pair of trousers from discarded copies of the free "Metro" newspaper. "It was all rather embarrassing really," said the man.
SEX PILL SCAM: Soho Pharmaceutcals, manufacturers of "Psyduction Max Strength Pulling Pills", have been censured by the Advertising Standards Authority for this advert which appeared on billboards around Soho:

The ASA released a statement saying "This has been one of the biggest and most successful scams in Soho. Our chemical tests have discovered that these are nothing more than repackaged garlic tablets. If anything, this will have been turning girls away in their droves". Soho Pharmaceuticals refused to comment. Des Parrot, chairman of the Advertising Standards Authority, said "I too have been conned by these pills. Even my dog wouldn't lick my face after I'd taken them."
MAN LOSES PENIS IN CHEESE GRATER: Last Thursday, a man was admitted to Soho General Hospital with a battery-powered electric cheese grater securely attached to his groin. Despite three hours in surgery, the penis was unable to be recovered. "Unfortunately the grater was set to 'fine grating' mode, meaning all we could recover was a particularly gruesome powder," said Dr. Kokriss-Kuer. The man was said to be "in a stable condition but very ashamed" last night.
TRANSSEXUAL LAUGHED AT: A woman with a beard was laughed at on a bus on Wednesday.
ORANGUTAN CONFISCATED: An orangutan was confiscated from premises in Pussy Street at the weekend by the RSPCA. It is alleged that Bill Buggery, the homosexual pimp proprietor of Buggers-U Ltd., had kept the ape in his cellar for his "special" customers. "To be honest, I think the baboon we had before was better, as it had a much nicer arse," said Mr. Buggery.

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