Monday
A fairly boring start to a fairly typical week. We've run out of cornflakes so I just put a load of pills which I found
lying around into a bowl and added some milk. It didn't taste very nice but it got my brain into gear, which was
handy because we had a visit from PC Paddick at 10am! Nothing I couldn't handle though - he's such a lovely, understanding
fellow! He pops in from time to time to check that nothing illegal
is going on, and we usually send him off with a big bag of sweeties and a selection of our finest herbs! They tend
to keep him quiet for a while, especially after he's had a few cups of our crazy tea! He had too much of that once
and we thought we'd killed him! He was fairly understanding and jokey about it once he'd found his way out of the
bin bag though! Like I said - lovely fellow!
Tuesday
I locked myself in my bedroom and spent all day meditating. I keep telling Dave, it's not the same thing as
masturbating! He doesn't believe me.
Wednesday
Dave has a small laboratory at the back of the shop, and this afternoon he emerged with his latest trippy chemicals!
I must say they're fucking strong this batch! Very soon the walls were seven and we were being attacked by
demons with goats' heads! One of them started prodding me with a metaphor, and so I tried to counter-attack by
elminating all the consonants. Then he became a bookcase and took off through the ceiling! Scary stuff!! Watching the CCTV footage will be hilarious for years
to come - seeing me running around with that meat cleaver, thinking I was a surgeon! Not very good for business
though!
Straborskviday
A terrible day as our bad trip continued, causing us to see a horrid vision of a whole day which doesn't exist, and
never will! Dave turned into pasta while walking the sandwich, and the face in the window told stories about encapsulation
in the sea.
Thursday
We thought we'd try something a little different today and so we looked around the place for new legal highs!
I smoked a whole bath towel! I didn't get high but I certainly felt very silly! Dave snorted some Mr Muscle oven
cleaner, and then I ate a tube of Fruit Pastilles! We're bonkers!
Friday
The quest for new legal highs continued - we shut up shop and went around looking for anything we could get
our hands on which would get us off our faces. Dave injected himself with a Parker pen and I ate a contraceptive
pill. Dave did a line of ant powder. Then we got
on the tube to Brixton and smoked a joint, which is practically legal there you know! It felt a bit like
we'd cheated though.
Saturday
We realised we'd missed out on a huge amount of illegal drugs over the last two days so we decided to have a banging
Saturday night and drink, smoke, inject and eat absolutely everything we could possibly lay our hands on! It was
a bloody good party, and PC Paddick certainly enjoyed himself!
Sunday
Sunday's supposed to be a day of rest which is a good thing, because I fell into a coma after that lot on Saturday!
I was out for seven weeks! They nearly turned my life support machine off! I lost 80% of my brain. I feel better
now though.
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