Tuning your TV for Channel 23

Setting your TV up to receive Channel 23 couldn't be simpler.

First, go to channel number 23 using your remote control. If you see the test card below (between 1am and 7am), or a TV programme (usually with excessive nudity, between 7am and 1am), you're there. If not, which is more likely, just follow the simple instructions below:

Enter your TV's detuning mode and select parameter range 498-986 UHF, specifying to reconfigulate the derambifulator, allowing for postmorbacendration wherever possible. Do not allow this to unjuricate the contambofalobation subsystem of the antinonreceptification unit, as this will result in disportallifignosis. Enter the code 889208952 and remove the batteries from the remote control to allow recambignotion to take place. Wait exactly 15.32 seconds and immediately open up the TV using a standard screwdriver, chisel and sledgehammer. Turn your oven to 480 degrees Farenheit (gas mark 29) and grease a baking tin before placing a loaf of Tesco Value Bread with a fish inside onto a tea cosy. Place this in the oven for four minutes and IMMEDIATELY place loaf inside pre-opened television. Do not allow the fish to come into contact with the cathode-ray refigulizer system, or you will die from some horrible disease in twenty years. Carefully rebuild television. Wash hands. Sit back and enjoy the test card.

Channel 23 index

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