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SATURDAY'S TV
| 9.00am | Da Sataday Mornin' Show Hectic, cray-zee Saturday morning Children's TV show presented by Kevin Twatt, northern dickhead who cannot say a single word in a non-ironic way, Jo Tits, the sassy, sexy southerner who keeps popping out of her dress when talking to 10 year olds, and Sid Kikk, who constantly has the piss taken ruthlessly out of him. Market research conducted by Channel 23 has shown that children are no longer interested in cartoons, stories or factual information. This is Saturday morning with an edge - a Saturday for the badass in-yer-face noughties generation. Items on today's show include tips on sexual positions, techniques for mugging tourists, tips for truants, and a game show where three little yobbos can vote for the geek they most want stabbed, in the hope of winning Adidas clothing and jewellery. Plus, a look at where to find the cheapest Ecstasy in London. |
| 11.00am | Sport World All today's top sporting fixtures, including Midget Racing, and Indoor Bowls. |
| 7.30pm | The National Lottery Get Ready To Leave The Country Dale Winton presents the game show where contestants win the chance to leave the country, in the hope of finding another, more sensible land, where the lottery draws aren't integrated with terrible television programmes so that a five minute draw lasts an hour. |
| 8.30pm | News Idol The search across the nation to find the next superstar newsreader continues. The nation is hooked - will Dave keep giggling at inappropriate times? And will everybody's favourite blonde, Kathy, still have trouble pronouncing obscure city names like "Berlin"? |
| 9.00pm | The BIG Movie Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone PREMIERE Tonight, Channel 23 brings you the UK TV premiere of Harry Potter! It's not a legitimate copy of course; that would have been far too expensive. Instead this is a high quality copy, filmed in the cinema using Dave's camcorder. (We shall fast-forward the bit where Dave leaves to go to the toilet) |
| 11.00pm | Sex and Hopping An episode of the verging-on-pornographic documentary, which focuses on fishnet tights for ladies (and gents) who have lost limbs. |
| 11.30pm | Sex and Stopping A look at celibacy. |
| 12.00midnight | Sex and Chopping A look at celery. |
| 12.30am | Close |
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