Channel 23

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TV Guide:
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MONDAY'S TV

7.00am	GET UP! Lively breakfast entertainment show presented by Chris Cockerel (the same Chris Cockerel who appears on packets of Corn Flakes) and Johnny Foghorn, loud-mouthed ex-crook who served time in the early nineties for drug dealing, blowing up the headquarters of Switzerland's government and poisoning the water supply of the entire North of England. Includes News and Topless Weather every ten minutes plus a special five minute, single-player, one-round version of The Weakest Link. "Amazingly, the statistics show that Ron was both the weakest and the strongest link in that round, but will he be stupid enough to vote for himself?". Repeated on E23 at 10.00pm
9.00am	Kill Roy Game show in which contestants compete to hit Robert Kilroy-Silk with a mallet.
10.00am	Pilchard and Booby Mishmash of a show presented by a fish and his wife who keeps letting her tits pop out of her dress by accident. Today's show features items on people who have choked on breakfast cereal, a man who has lost a finger and various ways of greeting people in Japanese.
12.00pm	Business Lunch All the morning's tedious action from the FTSE 100. Business Breakfast, Business Light Snack on the Train, Business Brunch, Business Packet of Crisps and Business Cup of Tea with a Selection of Shortbread can be seen on E23 throughout the day.
1.00pm	FILM: American Pie TV Version: Edited for suitable broadcast at this time of day.
1.05pm	Diagnosis: Murder Series about a quirky doctor who also solves crimes!
1.35pm	Halitosis: Murder Series about a quirky oral hygienist who also solves crimes!
2.05pm	My Quote is: Murder Series about a quirky plumber who also solves crimes!
2.35pm	The Charge is: Murder Series about a quirky policeman who also solves crimes!
3.05pm	Children's 23 Bully Teddies Gurgling and inchorent bears with televisions for heads beat each other up with their handbags.
3.30pm	Children's 23 The Spleenies Spleenies go to Happy Ho Ho Ha Ha Singalong Ding Dong La La Land. In this episode, the multicoloured, species-less Spleenies go to Happy Ho Ho Ha Ha Singalong Ding Dong La La Land. They run around on rollerskates and sing about Happy Ho Ho Ha Ha Singalong Ding Dong La La Land for a bit.
4.00pm	Children's 23 Gank House! Lively, whacky game show in which kids get splattered with all kinds of nastiness including: ear wax, snot, belly button fluff and gin.
4.45pm	Children's 23 Newsdude The news presented by Newsdude, a spotty thirteen year old with a skateboard. This episode will probably feature similar "news" to every other episode - a Panda born at London Zoo or some new study saying kids are eating too many chips or something. As usual. But wait - we've spiced it up! With new interactive elements, plus an annoying stripe permanently on-screen, "young adults" can txt msg us with such insights as "I think children do eat too much junk food", "I think children don't eat too much junk food", "David Beckham is great".
5.00pm	Children's 23 Strange Hill The children's series set in a school that deals with controversial, tough issues. In this episode, Chubby and Fat Wanker get caught by Mrs Dappy having anal sex, Kris has her head blown off by a rocket, and Pete gets kneecapped.
5.30pm	Clumsy Street Australian Soap set in a street full of cack-handed people. In this episode, Joey ineptly opens a bag of crisps and bursts them all over his trousers, while Jim's hands slip down Diane's top.
6.00pm	Holiday: You Say Where Special version of the holiday programme where viewers tell presenters where to go. In this episode, Jamie Theakston visits a minefield in Afghanistan.
7.00pm	Nude News Nude News is Channel 23's informal news broadcast. Where Channel 5 broke new ground by removing the desks, Channel 23 breaks further by removing the underwear. Including at 7.25pm Weird Weather Whereas the BBC Weather is presented by Michael Fish, Channel 23's weather is presented by Mark Fish, a 6ft haddock from Winchester. Click here to visit the Nude News page
7.30pm	Flies A fly-on-the-wall documentary about some flies who sit on a wall, and then fly off to sit on some dog poo.
8.00pm	The 1980s House The series that transports a modern family back in time continues. In this episode, teenager Becky is fed up of listening to Bros, while Stuart gets to grips with a BBC Micro. Meanwhile, Mary is having trouble with her shoulder pads.
9.00pm	The Survivors Reality game show. The scenario: Ten people have to survive in Siberia after a plane crash. They'll have to face many challenges, such as fighting off hungry bears, constructing houses out of airline food trays, and consuming the least popular contestants - as voted for by you, the viewer. To choose who should get eaten this week, ring 0800 221155.
10.00pm	Nigella Sucks Cookery series featuring Nigella Lawson. In this episode Nigella makes a cheese sandwich.
10.30pm	Basingstoke Unconvered The people that brought you all the hot action in Sky One's Ibiza Uncovered follow the exciting lives of holiday goers at the Canal Camp Site in Basingstoke. Suzie is staying in a caravan with her mother, but we can tell that she's "well up for it" - she's even brought a bottle of wine with her. Meanwhile, Reg is engrossed in a book.
12.00am	Swedish Pussy Live The world-famous cartoon about a cat from Sweden goes on tour.
12.30am	Horny Cock Sucker Short animated film about a bull with no teeth who tries to eat a cockerel.
1.00am	Close

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