Chain Letter.

If there's one thing I can't stand it's silly bastards going all supersitious on me and forwarding some crappy chain letter so they can find love or get some free GAP clothing or avoid being crushed by a bus or somesuch nonsense.

Here's my anti-chain letter, the aim of which is to spread throughout the internet, making people see chain letters for the twaddle that they represent. Join in the campaign and forward it to all of your friends - it's an ironic way of defeating silly chains, I suppose, and it'll never work of course, but at least it should bring joy to the hearts of many.

Subject: Quick! Forward this to everybody really really quickly!

Yes! Quickly! Send this to everybody you know! It really does work! Yes, honest! No really!

This chain letter was started in 1403 when King Bernard of Czechoslovakia was brutally slain by
his transsexual sister Edward. The letter was written in the king's blood on the wall of his
own wine cellar, and was promptly forwarded by all 427 of his guards who went through Eastern
Europe, burning, raping and pillaging villages and writing this very letter in blood on any
convenient flat surface.

The tradition continued and billions of people were slaughtered just so that the letter could
be forwarded and seen the world over - until 1953 when Pencille F'Ontaine-Penne invented the
Biro. In 1996 this chain letter was first seen on the internet, and it is still word-for-word
identical to that first letter written in blood in King Bernard's wine cellar. That's right,
these words here were in fact in that very first letter. Pretty big coincidence that it all
should come true, eh?

And of course this chain letter is not illegal - Bill Clinton, the US Postal Office, the Royal
Navy and my granny have all said it's fine.

Best of all, forward this chain letter and look what great stuff will happen:
	- you will find love, fame and fortune within minutes. Yes really!
	- what's more you're guaranteed £10 million from Bill Gates - yes, that's £10 million for
	EVERY PERSON who forwards this letter! This is because, in association with Disney and GAP
	Clothing, he's testing out his brand new email tracking system. He can see what you're
	doing right now because he's really big and clever and rich and everything, and if you're
	good he'll put you on his list of multi-millionaires! Yes! It really is true!! No really,
	it is!
	- even better than that, forward this email and because of secret codes contained within
	it, your computer will as if by magic turn into an elephant! You can have hours of fun
	watching it run around and squirt water at passers-by. Don't worry, when you say "Cabbages"
	loudly it will turn back into a computer again!

Just look at some of the things that have happened to people who forwarded this letter:
	- Bill Clinton forwarded it and was sucked off the next day!
	- Elvis Presley forwarded it and three months later he found a voucher entitling him to a
	free hamburger!
	- Elizabeth II forwarded it and remembered five minutes later that she was already really
	really rich and hadn't done any work at all!
	- Damien Hirst forwarded it and was then sick all over his new pad of really big paper. He
	then sold that vomit-stained pile of paper for £1000 to a gullible art collector!
	- Britney Spears forwarded it shortly before going for secret breast enlargements - then
	she slightly grazed her knee giving her record company boss a blow-job and thought of a
	really great excuse she could give people who asked her why she was in hospital!

All this and more will happen to you definitely if you forward this letter right now! Yes!
Honest! Really! It's true!

Now this letter isn't all good news - nastiness awaits those who don't forward it! Just read
these famous TRUE stories:
	- Henry VIII forgot to forward it and the next day he accidentally cut his wife's head off
	with a big axe!
	- Freddie Mercury forgot to forward it when he received it as a little five year-old boy.
	Twenty years later he released "Fat Bottomed Girls" with his band Queen - what a load of
	crap that was!
	- Richard Branson forgot to forward it when he was a poor student. Fifteen years later the
	multibillionaire entirely failed to fly around the world in a big balloon!
	- King Alfred forgot to forward this letter because he was dead by the time it was written.
	He burnt some cakes once!
	- Little Miss Muffet recieved the letter just as she was sitting on a tuffet. She threw it
	away because she was eating. One minute later she realised she was eating curds and whey -
	ugh! Then she accidentally sat on a spider but was later misquoted!
	- George Michael recieved it shortly before visiting the Gents. He didn't forward it,
	pissed on his shoe and saw a policeman in the buff - gross!


So forward this now to all of your friends and enemies! You wouldn't want to break the chain of
the longest, oldest, most important and generally bestest chain letter ever now, would you? Go
on, you won't piss anybody off, really! It's only a bit of fun after all! Happiness and great
times await!

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